Affirmation: When you feel like complaining

Originally published: February 18, 2020

 Something I've noticed a lot more lately, with all my practice meditating and observing my thoughts, is how many times a day a complaint will run across my mind. I know I'm not the only one! Often it is a habitual way of starting a conversation. It can sound something like, "Today was exhausting!" or "I was so annoyed today at work because..." Most of the time, if I say the thought aloud, especially if someone is around to listen, it is not only accepted, but also greeted and returned with yet another complaint. This energy exchange may feel comforting because, well, someone can validate what a bad day I had, and that feels good, right?

But I have also been noticing that it will only spiral and then the conversation eventually becomes heavy and I am left with more than I came to unpack. It really dawned on me that even though having a not-so-good experience could potentially be relatable and spark a connection, it is not the type of connection I want to have.

It goes beyond just venting with family and friends. The most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves, and we are with ourselves 24/7. Those thoughts, even the ones we think in our mind on the car ride home, manifest their way into the subconscious, where they deeply burrow and begin to fester.

I'm learning to auto-correct myself whenever I feel the itch to say something negative. It feels really good to shift into a new and fresh perspective. As soon as I do, and it take a few repetitions, I begin to feel renewed.

When I feel a complaint coming on, I switch to this, "I appreciate my experience". Suddenly I have a sense of gratitude, even for the things that were annoying and unbearable.

I am not saying that we should not feel negative emotions or somehow become numb to the things that bother us. I am simply saying that shifting our mindset will make those things seem less big and impactful in a negative way, and instead create a sense of compassion, understanding and appreciation for the experience.

In other words, we can leave the negative emotion behind and move forward with the lesson learned, no matter what the situation could be.

Give it a try and see how it feels. Start with, "Today I really appreciated my experience because it taught me XYZ". It may take some getting used to, but the more you practice, the easier and faster you begin to catch yourself in those moments. The more you work on auto-correcting the thoughts, the more you can uplift those around you and begin to share more worthwhile stories with others.

One last thing - do not be hard on yourself. Sometimes we need to express exactly what we are feeling. Rather than be harsh and think that you are a bad person for complaining, use the affirmation to reframe the situation and remember that every experience can bring something good if you allow yourself to be open to it.

Baci e abbracci :)

Basha